Regret Saying Goodbye
by FreekyDisaster18
Summary: Jackie finds herself wallowing after Burke says goodbye but did he really mean it?


**AUTHORS NOTE: It's me again. I'm on a roll tonight despite the fact I'm absolutely shattered after getting no sleep last night! Literally, I was up tidying my room at four am! Am I insane or what?! This is based off Goodbye by Miley Cyrus.**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own the team, unfortunately**

*******

**[Regret Saying Goodbye]**

*******

She sighed as she moved into her flat that night, her head hurting from the amount of work that she had done and from the mere pressure of their latest case. Plus she could honestly say that he had been on her mind since she had woken up that morning and she hated knowing that she was still pining after him even though he had said goodbye to her! It had been his decision and she hadn't fought it so why should she care now? She knew that it was because she hadn't been brave enough to get rid of his photo and she found herself looking at it all the time, the memories flooding back to her and she knew that she didn't care.

She could remember their first kiss.

_The day had been difficult and neither of them had fancied going home to their empty flats. They had attempted to have a team night out but Robbie had Jamie over and Stuart obviously wanted to go home to Ewan so they had decided just to go out as the two of them. The meal had been pleasant and she had been amazed at how awkward it hadn't been as they'd talked about social things like friends did rather than work like colleagues. They had stepped out of the restaurant and found themselves sighing that sigh that showed pride in their home country as they were greeted by rain. Burke turned to look at Jackie._

"_What would you do if I kissed you?" He found himself asking and both of them were taken aback because it wasn't a stereotypical Burke statement. Jackie had been pretty sure that for Burke to be that forward he'd need to be highly intoxicated. "I see I've scared you..." He said at her long pause and she found herself shaking her head as she leant in and took hold of his lips because truthfully she had wanted to kiss her boss for as long as she could remember._

_The kiss started off soft and gentle. It showed their fear in what they were doing. It was as if they were both back at high school and afraid of the raging hormones that were taking control of their thinking but eventually Burke decided that he had nothing to be afraid of and he started to domineer the kiss. His hand moved up and ran through her short brown hair that was now wet from the rain. His tongue ran over her bottom and she gasped at the mere pleasure, this simple move giving him all the access that he needed. Their tongues mated for a few moments before they pulled away so they could breathe. He looked at her and saw that her eyes had darkened with passion. This was all he'd ever imagined._

She sighed as she took of her coat and pressed her fingertips to her lips at the sudden tingly feeling that was there. The same sensation always erupted whenever she thought of their first kiss. She threw the coat over the back of the couch and slipped off the heels that she had worn that day – a completely bad idea she had realised after a few hours running around after suspects – so that she could just relax. Her idea was to go into the kitchen, pour herself a glass of red wine and then just slouch out in front of the television with one of her favourite chick flicks.

Flicking on the radio, she found herself smiling as the classical station came on. She only ever had it tuned to that for when she had made dinner for him at her place which was very rare because she wasn't one of the world's best cooks but she had worked out that he was a classical musical lover and she had wanted to be in touch with it as much as he was. He had promised to take her dancing one day but she had laughed and told him she was too clumsy to go dancing, an answer that hadn't impressed him.

_He stood up and held out his hand to her. She just stared at the proffered limb before looking back at him in confusion. "Dance with me." He said in a seductive tone of voice that she normally would have struggled to decline but her fear of dancing was much more stronger._

"_But there is no music!" She laughed and squealed a little as he just took hold of her so that he could pull her close to him, his hand running across her cheek lightly before he placed one of her hands on his shoulder._

"_There doesn't have to be any music, Jackie." He said softly as he smiled at her. "The music comes from inside. It's like the beat of your heart." She looked at him a little sceptical but found herself omitting a little sound as he started to move them around the kitchen. They might have been dancing in silence but he had been right, she could hear a kind of beat that they were dancing too and as she moved against him, she found herself falling even more in love with every step. By the end of the dancing she found herself laughing as he twirled her before pulling her close back against him. "I thought you couldn't dance?" He whispered in ear softly causing her to shudder. _

She turned off the radio and took a long swig of the red wine. She always remembered the simple times that she had shared with Burke. She still found herself crying as she thought of all the happiness they had shared and how she had allowed herself to fall in love again with another guy that struggled to show commitment. She sighed as she remembered that morning when she had woken up and flicked on her CD player so that she could have music as she did her morning routine. She had found herself singing along to their song, heavy tears falling down her cheeks as she had just wished that he had been there to wrap his arms around her waist and sing along with her in the husky voice that could cause all her brain cells to melt.

Without even realising what she was doing, she had moved back through to the bedroom and picked up the house phone that sat beside her bed. She had knelt on the bed that she had shared with him on many occasions and stared at the simple handset fighting the desperation to ring him because she knew that she would have been wasting her time ringing him because he had said goodbye to her and it was time for her to accept that even though it was one memory that she wanted to forget had happened.

"_This has to end, Jackie." He whispered one night as soon as she'd shut the door behind him. The words had felt like an actual slap around her face as she stared at him in horror unsure if this was going to turn into a joke with a horrible punch line. She moved round and stood in front of him, her hands resting against his shoulders as he looked into his eyes._

"_What are you saying, Matt?" It was still a struggle to call him by his first name but she enjoyed doing it. She enjoyed knowing that that was something she shared with him and she still got excited slightly when she called him Boss by accident when they were in bed together because he always said that he would show her who was boss. _

"_I'm saying that this can't go on anymore!"_

"_Why?" She knew she should fight it. Demand to know what was happening in his head but she didn't know if she was strong enough to know his reason. He looked at her and sighed._

"_You were nearly shot today while we were on duty and do you know how it felt knowing that I couldn't react any differently even though my heart was racing and I was fearing that I was going to lose the woman that I loved?"_

"_So you think by ending it is going to make things any easier?" She demanded to know and anger quickly replaced the sadness that had taken over her, "because if you do then you're talking complete bollocks and we both know it!"_

"_I've applied to be transferred, Jackie." He whispered softly and she looked at him, her tears falling fast and heavy as she looked at him. "I can't go through what I went through what I went through today again. It pains me to say goodbye to you but it's the smart thing to do."_

"_Why do you have to be..." but before she could finish her sentence, he had simply moved over and pressed a kiss to the top of her head before leaving her apartment. She fell to the floor, her arms wrapping around her middle as she let the tears take over any rational thought that she had had previously._

She suddenly found herself jumping as her mobile started to ring the tone that she had made special just for when he rang her. She moved towards her handbag and pulled out her mobile, her heart racing as she saw his name on the ID badge. There was a slight hesitation but she eventually answered it and she was surprised to hear how alone he sounded as he asked her if she could meet him somewhere. She wanted to suggest one of their apartments but he quickly blew that offer down. He wanted somewhere that was neutral ground so that there would no screaming or fighting. She agreed to meet him in a small twenty four hour diner not too far away from the police station. When that had been arranged, she closed the mobile and stared at it for a few moments before realising that hearing his voice had been what she'd wanted for so long but now that she had that wish granted, she was suddenly scared to why he wanted to see her.

It took her a while to pick up the nerve to leave her car after she had arrived at the diner but when she did leave, she saw him hunched in one of the corner booths, a cup of untouched coffee in his hands as he stared emptily out the window. She wondered if he was worrying that she would just not bother showing up. She moved to the counter and quickly ordered a coffee asking for it to be taken to the table where he sat before moving there herself.

"Hello..." There was a slight pause as she realised that she didn't know what to call him but she decided on, "Matt," because he was no longer her boss and she had never really called him Burke before.

"Jackie, it was good of you to come." He started to stand up. "Would you like..."

"I've already ordered a coffee." She was a little more tart than she had wanted to be and she could see that her tone had hurt him because his face shuttered for a moment but he eventually just smiled and nodded before sitting back down.

"You're looking good, Jackie." She didn't want small talk. She didn't want him to play her compliments. She just wanted to know what he wanted because she was still struggling to say goodbye to the idea of him without him making things harder by coming back into her life.

"What do you want?" This time she didn't even bother with a name or that she was a little bit cold towards him. She wanted this conversation to end so that she could just leave. Her old boss had left quicker than you could imagine anyone ever leaving and he hadn't even bothered to give Robbie or Stuart a reason for why they had a new team leader meaning that she had been left feeling awkward whenever they mentioned how they missed having him around. She had never really thought that Burke would be so much of a coward.

"I miss you." He said seriously as he reached out and took hold of her hands, not letting her pull them free. "I find myself remembering everyday how we kissed and I still feel that first one on my lips whenever I allow myself to think about it." She felt herself blushing as she realised that what he was talking about was exactly how she felt about him. "My fondest memory is of how I taught you to dance with no music even though you were convinced that you needed."

"Matt..." She said with a tear falling down her cheek as she looked over at him and saw that he too was also shedding the odd tear as he shared the simple things that he remembered with her.

"Jackie, I only have one regret and that was saying goodbye to you because I thought it was the smart decision for us both."

"I always told you that you had to stop making my decisions!" She laughed through her tears slightly, her hands moving away from his so that she could use her wrists to wipe away the stray tears.

"I know you did and I never listened. I'm sorry Jackie. I'm sorry I put you through all that pain for no reason." She just shook her head before reaching over the table and pressing a small kiss against his lips.

"I'm sorry I was stupid enough to let you say goodbye."


End file.
